I’m back .
On what plane do I exist
Where would I find myself
Am I here on earth?
I feel less than mortal
My body groans with each step
“Rest, rest” it calls within me
“Sleep, sleep” it pulls my limbs to the ground
The aches have changed me
I see myself slipping away
Yet here I am
Slipping in and out of existence
My body screams with each movement
“Stop, stop” it pulls me to the ground
“Move, move” it tears at my hands
If I were brave I would speak
If I were less anxious I would scream
Instead, I am falling between what is and who I am
I am a cactus in the snow
Aching to belong in this cold
There is a ghost that haunts me,
in my dreams I see,
the ghost that once was me,
and then again I dream
I see her in the leaves,
I smell her in the air,
as the world is turning,
all I can do is stop and stare
I’m haunted by the fireflies, I’m haunted by our late nights,
I’m haunted by your ocean eyes, I’m haunted by the wondering why
The world changes every year,
shedding leaves and falling tears,
I haven’t seen it in years,
but as I watch now I fear
I’m haunted by who I was,
I’m haunted by the ghosts of autumns past,
I’m haunted by the summer that was our last,
I’m haunted by the changing seasons,
I’m haunted by the changing reasons,
We all grow up,
We all move on,
We try to be pick up,
We try to move on
But I have to know, are you haunted too? Or is this ghost mine alone?
My husband took this photo early on in my position at Qkids. I have rarely had a job that I enjoyed as much as I do this one.
I get to wake up every morning to smiling faces across the globe, I get to play games with extremely bright children and watch them grasp the complications of our language. Every now and then, I get surprises like the kids singing to me, saying “I love you, teacher” when it’s time to go and watching them show me their favorite toys (much in the same way my brother does when guests come over). Although China is drastically different than America, I am grateful for the little window of interaction I have with these beautiful students.
Sure, waking up at 2 am to start work almost immediately isn’t the easiest thing in the world, but I adore it. If I take off more than a day from work, I start to miss talking to the kids. Johnny regularly mocks my “teacher voice” because I can’t seem to stop using it, even when we’re out.
Recently, I’ve started to move up from the first two levels and today I taught a pretty high level, level 3 class. It amazes me how the kids aren’t that much older than the early level kids, (they learn so fast) but their interactions are so much more fun. When they don’t understand a word, they ask me about it. The sensation of watching them understand a new word is astounding! Although it can be difficult to have motivation in the middle of the night, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I truly love my job!
Tori Lynn Cortez
If you’ve never heard of NaNoWriMo, it’s an abbreviation for National Novel Writing Month. I always thought it was called National November Writing Month, but that’s what I get for creating an account 4 years ago and never logging in again.
I know. You don’t have to remind me. I’ve been anything except for a writer the past few months – years, even. I asked a dear friend of mine to pester me about writing and I haven’t replied to his message from a few weeks ago because I haven’t written much of anything since then.
Back to the point. On October 16th, I gave myself a writing exercise to introduce my friends on Facebook the way that I would in a novel. Since then I’ve (mostly) written one introduction per day. Although it’s a small challenge, with my current work schedule and lifestyle, it’s all I’ve been able to muster up. That is, until today.
I finally dusted off my NaNoWriMo account, changed my region from the Triangle Area of North Carolina to Antelope Valley (I really haven’t logged on since I created it.) and introduced my latest novel concept. Over the past four years, the system has sent me 243 messages that I get to sort through and I haven’t utilized it one bit.
It’s almost November! What a perfect time to actually start writing again. Not only that, but I’ve discovered that there’s a group of authors in my area that meet-up weekly to write. I will keep you updated on how that goes; after all, we do live in Antelope Valley so I will be pleasantly surprised to find other humans gathering together for something fun.
I don’t know how I feel about my latest novel idea. I created it a couple weeks ago when I got tired of writing and deleting new content for an old story I haven’t been able to scratch the surface of in a while. (Hint: Never assume you’ll remember your outline if you plan it all in your head as a teenager. Your adult self will not remember anything important at all.) So, as long as I don’t get murdered at this writers meeting, you will hopefully be hearing more about this project soon!
In other news; My husband is fantastic, we’ve been married for more than 9 months now(!), I still love my job as an ESL tutor, the kids are so much fun, it’s my last semester of the Bachelor’s program for ministry school AND I’ve been able to expand my doTERRA collection a great deal, thanks to my supportive mother. Not to mention I’m up WAY past my bedtime, so I best be going.
Tori Lynn Cortez
I couldn’t honestly call myself an author, though I always will be at heart. Inspiration is fickle and often do we part.
Perhaps the downside of happiness is that it doesn’t draw me to the pen, but with every lesson in life, I will return again.
I once dreamt of worlds without end, but it seems that life doesn’t cease to happen.
From time passed I have learned, the morning doesn’t favor the artist, the light of day makes writing the hardest.
Perhaps it is the moon, the stars and the quiet, that bring out the characters and the stories they’re hiding.
Though to be an author, I must be a writer, to my writing I return, and I’ll always be a fighter.
Tori Lynn Cortez
Travel time again! I must give a little back story to this trip in particular; When my husband and I got married, we were in a tight place financially, Johnny was out of time off from work and seeking better employment, so our honeymoon was very short. With that being said, we agreed to go on a trip once a month to enjoy our first year of marriage in a spread out way, instead of all at once. Sadly, after I was laid off from my full-time job, it took us a while to get back on our feet, but we finally made it!
Our most recent venture took us to a small Stars Hollow-esque town near Ventura a few weeks ago. Due to the Antelope Valley’s summer heat and our lack of AC at the time, we opted for a much cooler getaway. Santa Paula was the perfect escape from the heatwave, and the small town feel was extremely relaxing. We checked in at the rustic Glen Tavern Inn and settled in to explore our new find. The charming inn was the perfect opening point for our adventure. The small town was home to an Agriculture Museum, an old railroad and a handful of small parks and old town restaurants. Although almost everything in the town seemed to be closed on Mondays, we found a nice little BBQ spot to meet our hunger cleverly called “Best BBQ”. After strolling around the outside of the Agriculture Museum, we decided on dessert at the Irish Pub near the hotel, called Garman’s. To be honest, I’d never been INSIDE a pub before, and after all the movies and shows I’ve seen, I don’t really know what I expected, but it was perfect. It was a quaint little spot, and we had a perfectly delicious bread pudding. Honestly, some of the entrees looked so tasty that I wished we hadn’t already had dinner.
After strolling around the outside of the Agriculture Museum, we decided on dessert at the Irish Pub near the hotel, called Garman’s. To be honest, I’d never been INSIDE a pub before, and after all the movies and shows I’ve seen, I don’t really know what I expected, but it was perfect. It was a quaint little spot, and we had a perfectly delicious bread pudding. Honestly, some of the entrees looked so tasty that I wished we hadn’t already had dinner. At the table across from us, an older couple seemed to have been reunited with their grandson from France, a little further down a family with young children were watching the soccer game on the pub’s giant flat screen.
On Tuesday, after having breakfast at Vince’s Coffee Shop, which turned out to be a country/Mexican breakfast cafe (Not what I would’ve expected from the name, but it was good), we headed out to Ventura.
What I’d have to say about Ventura could be summed up in the word refreshing. After a short and cold trip to the beach, we found a pretty good (but a little overrated) fish tacos place and then took our food up to the Ventura Cross for an ocean-view tailgate.
As long as I can remember, the most refreshing times of my life have been nearby a body of water, especially the ocean and this trip was no exception. We found a bunch of other neat spots on our way back, but I think getting away is an essential part of life, at least it always will be for me.
Another side note for any of my natural travelers, if you’re carrying homemade soaps or anything that includes coconut oil, make sure it’s sealed super tight! It has a nice smell, but I would’ve like to keep it all INSIDE of my containers.
Tori Lynn Cortez